Profile
And I really do mean
ALOT
WishList 2005
1. Backpacking
2. Brazillian Waxing
3. Full Face Waxing
4. Car Licence
5. Crazy Shopping Spree
6. EarringSSssss
7. Bike Licence
8. Taste Weed
9. New Handphone
10. Makeover
11. Lose 10kg
12. New Pair of Jeans
13. SunGlasses
14. A Pair Of Shoes
15. Siberian Husky Pup
16. Ball Python
not wat i was expecting
but juz as cute^^
17. Clubbing In Malaysia
18. Slack At A Beach Resort
19. Get A Good Watch For My Mummie
20. Get A Mont Blanc Pen For Daddie
21. PlayStation 2
22. Another Pair Of Jeans
23. Earphones
*smiles*
Archives
.:.August 2004.:..:.September 2004.:.
.:.October 2004.:.
.:.November 2004.:.
.:.December 2004.:.
.:.January 2005.:.
.:.February 2005.:.
.:.March 2005.:.
.:.April 2005.:.
.:.May 2005.:.
.:.June 2005.:.
.:.July 2005.:.
.:.August 2005.:.
.:.September 2005.:.
.:.November 2005.:.
.:.December 2005.:.
Friends
.:Daryl:.
.:DreamBoi:.
.:LostBody:.
.:Ivan:.
.:Jacy:.
.:Nad:.
.:Princess:.
.:Ray:.
.:Red:.
.:Sheepie:.
.:Stacy:.
.:Veronica:.
.:Vik:.
Ideal Guy/Dream Guy
1. Tall [Prolly 1.76m]
2. Good Family Background
3. Sexy body
4. Chinese
5. Drives A Nice Car
6. Rides A Nice Bike
7. Able To Afford Me
8. Owns A Nice Tattoo
9. Smart/Street Wise
10. English Educated
11. Staying Near My Area
12. Parents Agreement [Vic Versa]
13. Kind Hearted
14. Romantic
15. Average Looking
16. Good Career
17. Gives In To Me
18. On My Frequency Of Thinking
19. Able To Click Well
20. Great In Bed
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
I'm confused.... veri confused...
a couple days back i was begging bryan to meet me... coz i really missed him... i can't tell u how much "really" was... all i can say was i could feel myself snapping... i cried so hard... that i couldn't stop unless i felt pain.... pure pain... after that... when he agreed.. he paid 1/2 my cabby to his house...
I guess it was a mistake to be at his place... i still couldn't stop crying.... to the time i fell asleep and after i woke up... i continued crying... i dun understand wat makes me love him so much after all the horrible things he had said and all the horrible things he had done... but i still do... there is no more love in him for me... he is onli wif me coz i told him and cried to him... telling him that i need him.. i jus need him there... so yea... i guess he onli agreed to stop me frm bugging him and crying... sad huh?
since sunday he hasn't called me at all... everytime he says that he is busy and will call me back he doesn't... he says he got lots to tell me... but nv calls... for 2 days i have waited for his call and nth... juz sms and messages telling me he is stressed and busy... he will get back to me... i can't tell u how much that hurts either.... juz being at his house... not feeling welcomed anymore is also another hurting thing....
There is really no way to force a person to love u.... no way at all... no matter wat i said.. no matter wat i did.. to him... its was sumthing that i was willing to do... not sumthing that he asked for... well.. atleast now i know how Matthew felt when i rejected him over and over again... i really wonder how he actually manage to survive it.... the feeling really is a horrible one...
Yesterday i got a message frm a dear friend of mine... telling me that she's gonna leave Singaproe for good in a couple of mths... i broke out into tears... she has been there so hear my whines and take care of me when i was down... thou i nv did much for her... i really do appreciate everything.... There is no point asking her to stay... wat could i have done? the solution is way beyond my reach.... all i could do yesterday was cry... haha sum kinda usless friend huh?
at this point of time... i think i'm at my lowest... in terms of my relationship and friendships... everyone seems to be leaving me... everyone is busy with their lives... planning for their family and loved ones... i juz so envious when i hear of their Xmas plans... their plans to go places during the weekend... their plans to have a good time together... i have been at this boyfriend hunting for 7 years now... and i'm not improving at all... the guys i pick always end up bored of me.. else they juz end up like bastards...
Skool as been a drag recently too... wif early morning and late nights... during the time in skool.. i rot in skool.. not knowing wat to do for my projects... next week i have to do a presentation wif my partner.... and i hardly even know... or rather i dun even know wat to do at all...
All i wan is juz sumone to be there for me... why couldn't he be the one? everynight when i get home... i wait for his call... i miss him badly... but he doesn't need me.. he doesn't call me.... he doesn't care... i am seriously confused... and lost... i know i shoudl juz leave him and let everything go.. but i can't! i dunno how!! i dun have the guts to step out on my own.... *Sigh*
a couple days back i was begging bryan to meet me... coz i really missed him... i can't tell u how much "really" was... all i can say was i could feel myself snapping... i cried so hard... that i couldn't stop unless i felt pain.... pure pain... after that... when he agreed.. he paid 1/2 my cabby to his house...
I guess it was a mistake to be at his place... i still couldn't stop crying.... to the time i fell asleep and after i woke up... i continued crying... i dun understand wat makes me love him so much after all the horrible things he had said and all the horrible things he had done... but i still do... there is no more love in him for me... he is onli wif me coz i told him and cried to him... telling him that i need him.. i jus need him there... so yea... i guess he onli agreed to stop me frm bugging him and crying... sad huh?
since sunday he hasn't called me at all... everytime he says that he is busy and will call me back he doesn't... he says he got lots to tell me... but nv calls... for 2 days i have waited for his call and nth... juz sms and messages telling me he is stressed and busy... he will get back to me... i can't tell u how much that hurts either.... juz being at his house... not feeling welcomed anymore is also another hurting thing....
There is really no way to force a person to love u.... no way at all... no matter wat i said.. no matter wat i did.. to him... its was sumthing that i was willing to do... not sumthing that he asked for... well.. atleast now i know how Matthew felt when i rejected him over and over again... i really wonder how he actually manage to survive it.... the feeling really is a horrible one...
Yesterday i got a message frm a dear friend of mine... telling me that she's gonna leave Singaproe for good in a couple of mths... i broke out into tears... she has been there so hear my whines and take care of me when i was down... thou i nv did much for her... i really do appreciate everything.... There is no point asking her to stay... wat could i have done? the solution is way beyond my reach.... all i could do yesterday was cry... haha sum kinda usless friend huh?
at this point of time... i think i'm at my lowest... in terms of my relationship and friendships... everyone seems to be leaving me... everyone is busy with their lives... planning for their family and loved ones... i juz so envious when i hear of their Xmas plans... their plans to go places during the weekend... their plans to have a good time together... i have been at this boyfriend hunting for 7 years now... and i'm not improving at all... the guys i pick always end up bored of me.. else they juz end up like bastards...
Skool as been a drag recently too... wif early morning and late nights... during the time in skool.. i rot in skool.. not knowing wat to do for my projects... next week i have to do a presentation wif my partner.... and i hardly even know... or rather i dun even know wat to do at all...
All i wan is juz sumone to be there for me... why couldn't he be the one? everynight when i get home... i wait for his call... i miss him badly... but he doesn't need me.. he doesn't call me.... he doesn't care... i am seriously confused... and lost... i know i shoudl juz leave him and let everything go.. but i can't! i dunno how!! i dun have the guts to step out on my own.... *Sigh*