Profile
And I really do mean
ALOT
WishList 2005
1. Backpacking
2. Brazillian Waxing
3. Full Face Waxing
4. Car Licence
5. Crazy Shopping Spree
6. EarringSSssss
7. Bike Licence
8. Taste Weed
9. New Handphone
10. Makeover
11. Lose 10kg
12. New Pair of Jeans
13. SunGlasses
14. A Pair Of Shoes
15. Siberian Husky Pup
16. Ball Python
not wat i was expecting
but juz as cute^^
17. Clubbing In Malaysia
18. Slack At A Beach Resort
19. Get A Good Watch For My Mummie
20. Get A Mont Blanc Pen For Daddie
21. PlayStation 2
22. Another Pair Of Jeans
23. Earphones
*smiles*
Archives
.:.August 2004.:..:.September 2004.:.
.:.October 2004.:.
.:.November 2004.:.
.:.December 2004.:.
.:.January 2005.:.
.:.February 2005.:.
.:.March 2005.:.
.:.April 2005.:.
.:.May 2005.:.
.:.June 2005.:.
.:.July 2005.:.
.:.August 2005.:.
.:.September 2005.:.
.:.November 2005.:.
.:.December 2005.:.
Friends
.:Daryl:.
.:DreamBoi:.
.:LostBody:.
.:Ivan:.
.:Jacy:.
.:Nad:.
.:Princess:.
.:Ray:.
.:Red:.
.:Sheepie:.
.:Stacy:.
.:Veronica:.
.:Vik:.
Ideal Guy/Dream Guy
1. Tall [Prolly 1.76m]
2. Good Family Background
3. Sexy body
4. Chinese
5. Drives A Nice Car
6. Rides A Nice Bike
7. Able To Afford Me
8. Owns A Nice Tattoo
9. Smart/Street Wise
10. English Educated
11. Staying Near My Area
12. Parents Agreement [Vic Versa]
13. Kind Hearted
14. Romantic
15. Average Looking
16. Good Career
17. Gives In To Me
18. On My Frequency Of Thinking
19. Able To Click Well
20. Great In Bed
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
its rather ironic that i had a friend giving birth today and another having an abortion... Nep, adeline's baby girl''s name, was so cute... thou i was more worried for adei's well being... she was so weak~ so pale~ and so in pain... Please!! i dun ever wan to give birth!!!
Nep- She is so cute!
Well. anyway.. i'm more worried about tmr... tme i'll be going over to bryan's house to celebrate your 1st year anniversary... and if i know him well enuff... he wouldn't even border to get me even a stalk of rose or sumthing.... *sigh* i really wonder why do i even border.. we did promise a couple of days back that he woudl get me sumthing big once he comes out frm camp.. but i doubt it... he nv keeps his words... *sigh* i really do wonder why do i even border at all... Tmr i'm juz gonna be sad again.. so sad so disappointed... and he hardly even knows that i'm a life... much less feeling really hurt and sad... wat can i say.... i'm not good enuff? *sigh* anyways gotta sleep... this headach and worrying is killing me...
Nep- She is so cute!
Well. anyway.. i'm more worried about tmr... tme i'll be going over to bryan's house to celebrate your 1st year anniversary... and if i know him well enuff... he wouldn't even border to get me even a stalk of rose or sumthing.... *sigh* i really wonder why do i even border.. we did promise a couple of days back that he woudl get me sumthing big once he comes out frm camp.. but i doubt it... he nv keeps his words... *sigh* i really do wonder why do i even border at all... Tmr i'm juz gonna be sad again.. so sad so disappointed... and he hardly even knows that i'm a life... much less feeling really hurt and sad... wat can i say.... i'm not good enuff? *sigh* anyways gotta sleep... this headach and worrying is killing me...
Sunday, August 29, 2004
*sigh* today has been a boring day for me... i feel totally useless and well.. juz plan ugly for teh last few days.... i put on a little weight... prolly like about 2kg and its looks like i grew inches everywhere... *sigh* wat happened to teh confident, sexy me? Sigh... please dun tell me i'm growing old.. i think i'll go on a diet like soonish... and i really meant it.. i think i'll record everything i eat here... at least i know wat rubbish i have been eating...
*sigh* why doesn't he care? *sobz*
*sigh* why doesn't he care? *sobz*
*Sigh* why was i so sad when i aleady expected him to not keep his promises? *sigh* Friday he was suppose to pick me up after skool but he slept thur the whoel and still scolded me when i kept telling him its was his fault. i was so sad~ after he said he wanted to make up for em and meet me somewhere. So i stupidly waited for him for 2 hours at outram mrt... why the hell did i even boreder... i'm such a weakling. after that we everything was okie.
The next day we had our bbq. onli Him, Felix and me.. LOL the location of the pit was horrible it was the veri last pit of East Coast park. I felt really guilty and bad when he and his mum said that pasir ris was a much better place... And he didn't seem veri enusiatic about the bbq either. But after we settled everythin down and started cooking, everythign seemed fine.. infact, i rather enjoyed myself there. we had winf, hotdogs, crabmeat, bee hoon and marshmellows; a couple of beers and apple zapples. hehe. Last night was also the 1st time i saw "moonlight shadows". lol i was with bryan by the beach smoking. Btw he has been nice enuff to share his ciggies wif me for the last 2 days he has been sharing his ciggies wif me. i guess i blew my allowence on the present. Which i dun even know if its worth its.. well anyway the BBQ was great until he went to toilet and my itchy hands checked his whole hp whhen Jacob message him back... obviously, he is still in contact wif shawn.... and upon seeing that it practically spoiled my whole mood.
Anyway we left the pits at about 3am and waited for cabby. but.. *sigh* wif my mood spoiled and my whole body weak frm lack of sleep... i wasn't a veri nice person to talk to. so we sat there for 20min odd waiting for a cab. the place was so.. erm.. deserted... it looks like sumthing was haunting that strecht of road... in the end Bryan called for a cabby at citycab's hotline. And the cab was late for about 5min... ZZzzzZZZ i was really starting to feel dead.
When we got home... we cleaned up a couple of stuff and he told me that he wanted to help his brother for a while in FWO which trubed out to be a couple of hours. i was in his brotehr's room wif him for, god knows how long.. and he told me it was onli 15min... -.-||| i was truely annoyed with his "awhile", "while la" things.. his a whiel is always 2hours.... and i woudln't be surprised if he was calling shawn last night either... like he did the night b4. he promised me and told me he wasn't contacting him anymore... wat a lie... obviously he was still going out wif that 2 head-snake and still talkign to him too...
*sigh* trying to make time for himw as obviousl a waste of my efforts... after the last 2 nights... i could he wat was important to him and wat was not... he has changed a little he is nicer to me when i flare up(at times)... at least eh was willing to hold his BBQ and share wat he has wif me... but i still dun understand why does he wan this relationship... i am not important to him.. if i was he woudln't be making me sad constantly... he woudln't had hit me back then, he wouldn't had said the things he did... *sigh*last 2 nights.. he spent his time playing his stupid game FWO and talking to that shawn... am i really juz anotehr sex toy to him?
well... anyways... i know he already has found a perfect girl... his ex girl shi shi... we had a short talk about it on the beach... he was tellign e about sumthing she did for him when they were together... to me they were made for each other... she was a prefect girl to him... so why did he leave her? the day will come when thsi relationship will end, and i know i wouldn't mean a thing to him. *sigh*
Maybe this tuedays i'll tell him about wat i feel when i give him his present for our 1st year anniversary... at least if thing r gonna end.. it would be easier... i woudl be bz studyign for my exams and he woudl be too bz in camp.. prolly when he gets out he can contact he beloved shawn and eliza and tell them all about everything, i woudln't be surprised if they all agree that i was a fucked up girl and it was for the best that everything ended.... *sigh* why did i love sumone who doesn't even notices that i'm a life?
The next day we had our bbq. onli Him, Felix and me.. LOL the location of the pit was horrible it was the veri last pit of East Coast park. I felt really guilty and bad when he and his mum said that pasir ris was a much better place... And he didn't seem veri enusiatic about the bbq either. But after we settled everythin down and started cooking, everythign seemed fine.. infact, i rather enjoyed myself there. we had winf, hotdogs, crabmeat, bee hoon and marshmellows; a couple of beers and apple zapples. hehe. Last night was also the 1st time i saw "moonlight shadows". lol i was with bryan by the beach smoking. Btw he has been nice enuff to share his ciggies wif me for the last 2 days he has been sharing his ciggies wif me. i guess i blew my allowence on the present. Which i dun even know if its worth its.. well anyway the BBQ was great until he went to toilet and my itchy hands checked his whole hp whhen Jacob message him back... obviously, he is still in contact wif shawn.... and upon seeing that it practically spoiled my whole mood.
Anyway we left the pits at about 3am and waited for cabby. but.. *sigh* wif my mood spoiled and my whole body weak frm lack of sleep... i wasn't a veri nice person to talk to. so we sat there for 20min odd waiting for a cab. the place was so.. erm.. deserted... it looks like sumthing was haunting that strecht of road... in the end Bryan called for a cabby at citycab's hotline. And the cab was late for about 5min... ZZzzzZZZ i was really starting to feel dead.
When we got home... we cleaned up a couple of stuff and he told me that he wanted to help his brother for a while in FWO which trubed out to be a couple of hours. i was in his brotehr's room wif him for, god knows how long.. and he told me it was onli 15min... -.-||| i was truely annoyed with his "awhile", "while la" things.. his a whiel is always 2hours.... and i woudln't be surprised if he was calling shawn last night either... like he did the night b4. he promised me and told me he wasn't contacting him anymore... wat a lie... obviously he was still going out wif that 2 head-snake and still talkign to him too...
*sigh* trying to make time for himw as obviousl a waste of my efforts... after the last 2 nights... i could he wat was important to him and wat was not... he has changed a little he is nicer to me when i flare up(at times)... at least eh was willing to hold his BBQ and share wat he has wif me... but i still dun understand why does he wan this relationship... i am not important to him.. if i was he woudln't be making me sad constantly... he woudln't had hit me back then, he wouldn't had said the things he did... *sigh*last 2 nights.. he spent his time playing his stupid game FWO and talking to that shawn... am i really juz anotehr sex toy to him?
well... anyways... i know he already has found a perfect girl... his ex girl shi shi... we had a short talk about it on the beach... he was tellign e about sumthing she did for him when they were together... to me they were made for each other... she was a prefect girl to him... so why did he leave her? the day will come when thsi relationship will end, and i know i wouldn't mean a thing to him. *sigh*
Maybe this tuedays i'll tell him about wat i feel when i give him his present for our 1st year anniversary... at least if thing r gonna end.. it would be easier... i woudl be bz studyign for my exams and he woudl be too bz in camp.. prolly when he gets out he can contact he beloved shawn and eliza and tell them all about everything, i woudln't be surprised if they all agree that i was a fucked up girl and it was for the best that everything ended.... *sigh* why did i love sumone who doesn't even notices that i'm a life?
God, Please Help Me
Friday, August 27, 2004
This will be my last blog entery for the next 3 days i guess... i'll be back onli on sunday. i'm so excited about today its already 330 i the noon and i'm still wondering if he is really gonna come fetch me~ i'm juz plain confused.... i dun wan to be disappointed again... but i'm still hoping~ *stressed* Will he really do wat he prosmised this time? i mean i know its a veri small thing, but still~ its been a really long itme since a anyone has really pampered me besides my daddie~ LOL. Sigh~ i'm so scared.... i'll update more when i have the time later or maybe in the next few days. :p
I can't believed i stayed in skool frm 9 till 930 today! Its horrible! i'm so dead tired and i still had to come home to rush a project... *Faints* the damn porject is so plain i hope the lectuer wouldn't mind *bleah*. oh well... tmr is the day.. i'm getting to meet Bryan tmr.. he was nice enuff to promise that he would come fetch me frm skool after some whining... hehe i really hope he wouldn't disappoint me... :x i dunno why but i'm really looking forward to the next 2 days... thou i'm dwn to my last 10 bucks and 60 cents i guess it should be okie. i really hope nth bad would happen over these days i juz wan to relax and juz... well... relax... i feel so agitated but i dunno why...
Btw... my period is still late and count i think its been a week and a coupel of day now 2 i think... but i dun understand... i had nv missed my periods b4 and the test kit showed that it was a negative result. *shigh* am i really tat stressed? Is it really worth it to be stressed in the 1st place.
Anyways... i hope i'll ba able to talk o Bryan about our reltionship tmr or on sat. and i mean really talk. I guess both of us know that thsi relationship is already dead. we'er just holding on coz i might be pregnant. if my period comes what would happen next? i'm confused... i can't seem to let this relationship go even thou things are already so bad. *sigh* Not to mention that i have always been a weakling at letting go but... yea... *shrugs* time to sleep now. i'm dwn right shagged.. even sex wasn't this tiring LOL...
Live Like An Angel By Day,
Fuck Like The Devil By Night,
Die Like A Saint When All Is Over
Btw... my period is still late and count i think its been a week and a coupel of day now 2 i think... but i dun understand... i had nv missed my periods b4 and the test kit showed that it was a negative result. *shigh* am i really tat stressed? Is it really worth it to be stressed in the 1st place.
Anyways... i hope i'll ba able to talk o Bryan about our reltionship tmr or on sat. and i mean really talk. I guess both of us know that thsi relationship is already dead. we'er just holding on coz i might be pregnant. if my period comes what would happen next? i'm confused... i can't seem to let this relationship go even thou things are already so bad. *sigh* Not to mention that i have always been a weakling at letting go but... yea... *shrugs* time to sleep now. i'm dwn right shagged.. even sex wasn't this tiring LOL...
Quote
Live Like An Angel By Day,
Fuck Like The Devil By Night,
Die Like A Saint When All Is Over
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
its been a rather erm.. vexing day.. LOL at least fo the next 2 weeks i'm gonna relax during my weekends. i get to organise the classes's last chalet!
lol money is seriously a big problem... food has gotten really expensive over the last 4 years... Shhheesss~ and to think organising a BBQ for the class woudl be easier compared to organising one for #teens! i got it really wrong.. atleast everyoen was sweet enuff to chip in and even... well.... agreed to many suggestions. i love them~ LOL hopefully i can pull this one off well~ just wan everyoen to enjoy themselves for the last year that we are together.
Well... this Saturday is the BBQ for the 1st year anniversary of Bryan and me. i was looking forward to it.. and i hope i still do.. but he just doesn't seem interested after he got me back... *sigh* it jus seems that he just got me back for the fun of just getting me back. he goes out wif his cousin, Felix, every night now... and its sickening. i wonder why he wouldn't even wan to meet me outside for drink, if he really wanted to spend more time wif me. *sigh* anyway, i dun think he really loves me anyway... he doesn't need thsi relationship at the rate that i'm seeing it. he has friends calling him, and everynight his cousin woudl be meeting him... wat else mroe does he need? Sex? Geez... oh well~ my fault... i really wished i knew how to let go of a relationship when the time comes to do so. but obviously i dunnoe how to and i... well... i dunno wat else.. i'm juz plain weak...
lol money is seriously a big problem... food has gotten really expensive over the last 4 years... Shhheesss~ and to think organising a BBQ for the class woudl be easier compared to organising one for #teens! i got it really wrong.. atleast everyoen was sweet enuff to chip in and even... well.... agreed to many suggestions. i love them~ LOL hopefully i can pull this one off well~ just wan everyoen to enjoy themselves for the last year that we are together.
Well... this Saturday is the BBQ for the 1st year anniversary of Bryan and me. i was looking forward to it.. and i hope i still do.. but he just doesn't seem interested after he got me back... *sigh* it jus seems that he just got me back for the fun of just getting me back. he goes out wif his cousin, Felix, every night now... and its sickening. i wonder why he wouldn't even wan to meet me outside for drink, if he really wanted to spend more time wif me. *sigh* anyway, i dun think he really loves me anyway... he doesn't need thsi relationship at the rate that i'm seeing it. he has friends calling him, and everynight his cousin woudl be meeting him... wat else mroe does he need? Sex? Geez... oh well~ my fault... i really wished i knew how to let go of a relationship when the time comes to do so. but obviously i dunnoe how to and i... well... i dunno wat else.. i'm juz plain weak...
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Jade brought me to a really cool place yesterday~ it feels so much like a place i used to go called "Garage", which used o be down at Selegi. Anyways yea..is place is located behind Parco Bugis. actually its kinda looks like a junkyard when u step in, but after a while it really feels like home. keke.. eventhe cups the use r weird,its not the standard cup that every restruant has and everyoone is i think served wif a different cup... wat i really liked best was the sofas~~~there r so many~and the all leather!!! ekeke the interior of the café was also weird~ i keep staring at everything that Jana and Jade and was asking me wat's wrong wif me. keke. Then again... i dun understand why everytime i'm with this 2 i turn out acting like a cross between a Whiny Kitten And Super Blur Goldfish. LOL. everything i do jus seems silly~ the way i ask questions and reply them makes me feel like a bimbo~ *geez*
Stacy and Jana
Huge Tea Cup
Stacy Sweetie
Well anyway, yes i did quarrel wif bryan again and there was the treath about breaking up again... maybe i should had juz taken the break up but i dunnno why i didn't. Hmm.. i woudl admit this fight started becoz i was acting like a spoiled brat and i wanted to win no matter wat! LOL. so yea we ending up fighting and quarreling and me crying again. the usual stuffs. In the end it ended quite erm.... cute i would say *thick Skin*. hahaa i Started crying badly and talkign to him him.. then he explained things out we got to a mutual agreement that we were both wrong. but this time he was nice enuff to apologise 1st and i was crying a whiny "soweee" after his apologie. LOL. after that he tried to coxa me into stopping to cry, but hell knew why, i started whining behidn my sob's going "dee dee make me cry"... LOL i kinda found it like a little girl whining for candy wel.. i dunno wif he luffed or got a nnoyed by it but everything went well... at least i think thsi timewe have more freedom for each other i think. *shrugs* but i still dunno about the lies things onli time will tell...
And MAY GOD HELP ME~!!! my period is still not here its 7 days already!!!!!!!!!! *prays hard*
Stacy and Jana
Huge Tea Cup
Stacy Sweetie
Well anyway, yes i did quarrel wif bryan again and there was the treath about breaking up again... maybe i should had juz taken the break up but i dunnno why i didn't. Hmm.. i woudl admit this fight started becoz i was acting like a spoiled brat and i wanted to win no matter wat! LOL. so yea we ending up fighting and quarreling and me crying again. the usual stuffs. In the end it ended quite erm.... cute i would say *thick Skin*. hahaa i Started crying badly and talkign to him him.. then he explained things out we got to a mutual agreement that we were both wrong. but this time he was nice enuff to apologise 1st and i was crying a whiny "soweee" after his apologie. LOL. after that he tried to coxa me into stopping to cry, but hell knew why, i started whining behidn my sob's going "dee dee make me cry"... LOL i kinda found it like a little girl whining for candy wel.. i dunno wif he luffed or got a nnoyed by it but everything went well... at least i think thsi timewe have more freedom for each other i think. *shrugs* but i still dunno about the lies things onli time will tell...
And MAY GOD HELP ME~!!! my period is still not here its 7 days already!!!!!!!!!! *prays hard*
Friday, August 20, 2004
Okie fine... so i am weak~ Dinner yesterday with bryan was good i guess, thou i didn't relly ate anything, since i was still torn by wanting to kill him for wat happened the day b4. *growls* after dinner we had a couple of beers. Be back later... having a boring lecture now... ZzzZ
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Okie i'm back... rotting at home now... *sigh* i am so damn tired. as i was saying just now... i'm backwif Bryan again.... wat a pain i am right? LOL anyways, the relationship is onli going on as a trial and for safty measures.... coz i dun even know if i'm pregant! LOL my period is already one week late and i have been puking quite alot and eating large amounts of junks. *Oinks* lol yea... so last night, he was resuring me that i would see changes in him this time and that he will try to be the best boyfriend that he can be. *shrugs* this has already happened so many times that i wouldn't be surprised if things r gonna be juz then same in about 2 weeks time.
Last night while we were slacking near the Padang field. The way he talked and treated me kinda reminded me about matthew... coz he was nice and mean at the same time but always giving in, wanting a kiss or a hug now an then. Erm... i was kinda freaked out. LOL. and i really wondered does he really love as Matthew had? if he did, he really did love me more then juz a bit. but hey~who knows.
But i'm guessing here... wat if its juz becoz he wans to do sumthing to make up for that slap he gave me? or was it juz for sum "pride thing" that guys always have. *shrugs* LOL anyways.. yea me and him r together and sad to say, i'm sorri, but after that slap, i dun love him as much as i used to. I can't love a person who would hurt me both physically and mentally, or rather i woudl nv trust a person with my heart who would do such things.
He's out wif his Cousin now for dinner, *shrugs* i wouldn't even wan to know if that was a lie... but heck... he can do wat he wans. Until i find out that i'm pregant or not, i promised him not to talk to him about how r relationship is. And during this time he has promised me he woudl showme that he can change for me and that he will be the best guy he can be. Haha... Lets juz see then.
A small word.
Believed to have great means of eternal life,
But its so common used now that Its as good as Nothing.
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Okie i'm back... rotting at home now... *sigh* i am so damn tired. as i was saying just now... i'm backwif Bryan again.... wat a pain i am right? LOL anyways, the relationship is onli going on as a trial and for safty measures.... coz i dun even know if i'm pregant! LOL my period is already one week late and i have been puking quite alot and eating large amounts of junks. *Oinks* lol yea... so last night, he was resuring me that i would see changes in him this time and that he will try to be the best boyfriend that he can be. *shrugs* this has already happened so many times that i wouldn't be surprised if things r gonna be juz then same in about 2 weeks time.
Last night while we were slacking near the Padang field. The way he talked and treated me kinda reminded me about matthew... coz he was nice and mean at the same time but always giving in, wanting a kiss or a hug now an then. Erm... i was kinda freaked out. LOL. and i really wondered does he really love as Matthew had? if he did, he really did love me more then juz a bit. but hey~who knows.
But i'm guessing here... wat if its juz becoz he wans to do sumthing to make up for that slap he gave me? or was it juz for sum "pride thing" that guys always have. *shrugs* LOL anyways.. yea me and him r together and sad to say, i'm sorri, but after that slap, i dun love him as much as i used to. I can't love a person who would hurt me both physically and mentally, or rather i woudl nv trust a person with my heart who would do such things.
He's out wif his Cousin now for dinner, *shrugs* i wouldn't even wan to know if that was a lie... but heck... he can do wat he wans. Until i find out that i'm pregant or not, i promised him not to talk to him about how r relationship is. And during this time he has promised me he woudl showme that he can change for me and that he will be the best guy he can be. Haha... Lets juz see then.
Randoms
A small word.
Believed to have great means of eternal life,
But its so common used now that Its as good as Nothing.
LOVE
Thursday, August 19, 2004
yesterday was truely horrible... anyway anything to do wif Bryan is truely horrible... i went over to his place at about 6pm to get my dvd back. the night b4 i was so gald i pissed him off enuff, by curing his family, to get him to force me into a fight with him. LOL. so yea.. i was forced into his house, into his room. its was more of a cat fight then a fist fight. LOL wat can i say... i'm not build for fighting... he really is a bastard. He is bornone and he will die as one. he tried refraining my scratches by tring to strangle me.. -.-||| and whenhe dared to me repeat wat i cursed the night b4. i did it. A shocking slap was sent across my face; my lips got in the somehow and kinda started bleeding. Atleast i got him back wif a cheast full of cat scratches and a sore eye(frm wat he said).
i didn't know then, should i be happy or juz plain disappointed. Happy: he really is the bastard that he is and that loving me didn't mean a thing to himsince he could say and do all those things to me. Disappointed: i thought he was better then this. but hey... *shrugs* We even fought until his front door, that's then his dad came dwn to stop us. "Bastard", was the last thing he heard me said when i left his house. i headed for the steps at the end of the corridor and sat there for the next 1hour and 30min LOL. i was in shock, i couldn't walk and i couldn't even hold my ciggies wifout my hands shaking like mad... and there, as i sat, we quarrel through sms-es.... he seriously proved me right for scolding him all the things he did.
When i manged to get cab to go my sweet arse home, he msges me tat he still lovesme and all that crap. I mean like WTF! after everythign u did u to me and he said u still love me? WAT BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
*sigh* when i was at home... i got sick and tired of quarreling wif him. so i told him... he was right for everything he said and tat everything he did was right, and i was all wrong for anything and everything. i didn't feel a need to fight like this since he was such a bastard. That was when, after miles and miles of explaination, he said he wanted to call me, juz to hear wat he has to say... i have no freaking idea why i even bordered! Thank god for Zoo Tycoon! I could hardly pay attention to wat he said. i didn't wan to feel hurt or jealous any more... but even thou i was not paying attention, he managed to still get me to shed tears for him. I think its becoz he told me how sad he was when i left his house and how he cried over it after i left... i have a veri soft spot for guys crying.... i'm such a Lollipop. *pfft*
After that i dunno why but we started to talk normalling like we used to b4 all this crapped happened. he explained to me that Doll's DJ was not his girl and al tat crap. he explained to me how irritatign she was and how lame she was... even mehmeh was way better then her. LOL yea.. so tonight i might be having dinner wif him. i wonder if another cat fight is gonna take place.*sigh* i need a puppie. ASAP!
Right now, i and dame late for skool, skool is suppose to start at 9 for me but i only woke up at 10. LOL and i have to go get myself a new top, frm harbourfront. *sigh* i feel so lz today.
i didn't know then, should i be happy or juz plain disappointed. Happy: he really is the bastard that he is and that loving me didn't mean a thing to himsince he could say and do all those things to me. Disappointed: i thought he was better then this. but hey... *shrugs* We even fought until his front door, that's then his dad came dwn to stop us. "Bastard", was the last thing he heard me said when i left his house. i headed for the steps at the end of the corridor and sat there for the next 1hour and 30min LOL. i was in shock, i couldn't walk and i couldn't even hold my ciggies wifout my hands shaking like mad... and there, as i sat, we quarrel through sms-es.... he seriously proved me right for scolding him all the things he did.
When i manged to get cab to go my sweet arse home, he msges me tat he still lovesme and all that crap. I mean like WTF! after everythign u did u to me and he said u still love me? WAT BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
*sigh* when i was at home... i got sick and tired of quarreling wif him. so i told him... he was right for everything he said and tat everything he did was right, and i was all wrong for anything and everything. i didn't feel a need to fight like this since he was such a bastard. That was when, after miles and miles of explaination, he said he wanted to call me, juz to hear wat he has to say... i have no freaking idea why i even bordered! Thank god for Zoo Tycoon! I could hardly pay attention to wat he said. i didn't wan to feel hurt or jealous any more... but even thou i was not paying attention, he managed to still get me to shed tears for him. I think its becoz he told me how sad he was when i left his house and how he cried over it after i left... i have a veri soft spot for guys crying.... i'm such a Lollipop. *pfft*
After that i dunno why but we started to talk normalling like we used to b4 all this crapped happened. he explained to me that Doll's DJ was not his girl and al tat crap. he explained to me how irritatign she was and how lame she was... even mehmeh was way better then her. LOL yea.. so tonight i might be having dinner wif him. i wonder if another cat fight is gonna take place.*sigh* i need a puppie. ASAP!
Right now, i and dame late for skool, skool is suppose to start at 9 for me but i only woke up at 10. LOL and i have to go get myself a new top, frm harbourfront. *sigh* i feel so lz today.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Just manage to finish up my resume a couple of mins ago. Wonder if i would really ever get to even use a resume like this in my life. HaHa!
Today has been, well.. a rather restless and unproductive day for me. EEEeeek!!!!! Bryan Msn-ed me!!! eh... later then i reply...LOL. yea as i was saying today is juz a dead broing day for me... We were suppose to go East coast, mun sang, meh meh and me, but it turnd out meh meh got lost sumwhere in singapore and was unable to make it... *growls* anyway it was kinda expected... keke. hmm...
Hmm... lets see wat did i do today... i spent my time today watch X-men 2, Anastasia, comlainning and crusing about Bryan to everyone i know, erm... doing my areobics(HAHAH!), Watched naruto esp 95-96 - Naruto truly ROX! the slug was so cute in this esp! LOL - erm.... wat else.. oh yea.. u wouldn't believe this, but i help my maid in preparing dinner today, LOL. Really hope the meat which i was frying is actually cooked. :x LOL. hm.... did my resume and gettign irritated by Bryan... he's got some serious attidute problem. That bastards cheats, lies and 2-times me still expects me to talk ot him nicely... wat the fuck... -.-|||
Anyways gotta prepare for the school singing competition. LOL a duet and single.. i think i'm gonna screech my why through it. LOL.
Today has been, well.. a rather restless and unproductive day for me. EEEeeek!!!!! Bryan Msn-ed me!!! eh... later then i reply...LOL. yea as i was saying today is juz a dead broing day for me... We were suppose to go East coast, mun sang, meh meh and me, but it turnd out meh meh got lost sumwhere in singapore and was unable to make it... *growls* anyway it was kinda expected... keke. hmm...
Hmm... lets see wat did i do today... i spent my time today watch X-men 2, Anastasia, comlainning and crusing about Bryan to everyone i know, erm... doing my areobics(HAHAH!), Watched naruto esp 95-96 - Naruto truly ROX! the slug was so cute in this esp! LOL - erm.... wat else.. oh yea.. u wouldn't believe this, but i help my maid in preparing dinner today, LOL. Really hope the meat which i was frying is actually cooked. :x LOL. hm.... did my resume and gettign irritated by Bryan... he's got some serious attidute problem. That bastards cheats, lies and 2-times me still expects me to talk ot him nicely... wat the fuck... -.-|||
Anyways gotta prepare for the school singing competition. LOL a duet and single.. i think i'm gonna screech my why through it. LOL.
Monday, August 16, 2004
My God!!! I got a total shock of my life yesterday... *sobz* Bryan has been two timing me all this while! its was no wonder he left me 3 weeks ago. i was seriously so heart-broken and engulfed by jealousy last night. *cries*
4am in the morning last night and i still couldn't sleep... so i decided to come onlien to check out a couple of things, guess wat i saw on his MSN pic! Doll's DJ picture... I mean WTF! even as his girlfriend he wouldn't even put a picture of us there, much less mine. *cries* i thought Bryan was onli treating me bad and was a horrible boyfriend, but i nv thought that he would 2-time me! It was really a heart-breaking moment... ever since we broke up 3 weeks ago, he still tells me, he still loves me; he knows that even thou i said i hated him for the things he did, i still loved him. its turned out to me all lies again... *sigh* i totally suck at thsi whole relationship thing. *frowns* i really did thought he still had feelings for me somewhere in there... but obviously... being the fool tat i am... he doesn't...
After looking at his new girls's picture, i was gone... totally juz gone... There was no way i could be better then her. Doll's DJ is pretty, has a nice body, she's 1/2 Japanese, she's rich, she's a DJ: like him and wat's more they have been sweethearts for the last 2 years. In what or which way could i have won him over... *sobz* None... Absolutely none... i have been used and play for... *sigh*
We had a quarrel; by him saying and insisting that she is onli a sis to him. For-goodness-sake! Which edert would put his sis's pic on his MSN, unless he was hinting sumthign to her! Now at least i know where he has been for the last 3 weeks, the reason why he left me and why he even steps into orchard now. *sigh* Fuck... çoem to think about it.. he wasn't even tryign to clear things out.. all he did was keep scolding me and and tried pushing everything to me my fault, when it was clearly his! I shouldn't even had done the things tat i did when i was wif him! I had wasted all my effort going to his house everytime we have a fight in our relationship. He has been a bloody waste of my time and effort... and he says he tries his best... BULLSHIT. He doesn't even border! i guess he should be fucking her brains out now anyway. *sigh* the guys i choose...
Anyways... as much as i go on ranting and cursing him... what use woudl it be right? *smirks* he will always be the heartless, cheating, lying bastard that he is. And he would never love me, no matter how much i say and show. Cause to him... i'm the ugliest and worst girlfriend he had ever have, he even regerts that he had ever met me.*sobz* Everytime he have a fight, he would tell me how pretty his ex-girlfriends are, how they always wait upon him like god's-gift to the world; compared to how i treat him, he says that i could be considered the worst. *tears* such wonderful words... i wish my heart was made of stone... even this stone will crack upon hearing this...
*sigh* i really dunno what else to say... i guess i really juz metthe wrong person at the right time... I have always treasured this relationship due to the fact that everything started so perfectly romantic and so wonderfully sweet... everything was juz perfect. I truly didn't love him.*sobz*
But hey... atleast things are settled now. i know the real truth. I juz have to learn how to accept the facts and move on. :) Its time to wake up...
4am in the morning last night and i still couldn't sleep... so i decided to come onlien to check out a couple of things, guess wat i saw on his MSN pic! Doll's DJ picture... I mean WTF! even as his girlfriend he wouldn't even put a picture of us there, much less mine. *cries* i thought Bryan was onli treating me bad and was a horrible boyfriend, but i nv thought that he would 2-time me! It was really a heart-breaking moment... ever since we broke up 3 weeks ago, he still tells me, he still loves me; he knows that even thou i said i hated him for the things he did, i still loved him. its turned out to me all lies again... *sigh* i totally suck at thsi whole relationship thing. *frowns* i really did thought he still had feelings for me somewhere in there... but obviously... being the fool tat i am... he doesn't...
After looking at his new girls's picture, i was gone... totally juz gone... There was no way i could be better then her. Doll's DJ is pretty, has a nice body, she's 1/2 Japanese, she's rich, she's a DJ: like him and wat's more they have been sweethearts for the last 2 years. In what or which way could i have won him over... *sobz* None... Absolutely none... i have been used and play for... *sigh*
We had a quarrel; by him saying and insisting that she is onli a sis to him. For-goodness-sake! Which edert would put his sis's pic on his MSN, unless he was hinting sumthign to her! Now at least i know where he has been for the last 3 weeks, the reason why he left me and why he even steps into orchard now. *sigh* Fuck... çoem to think about it.. he wasn't even tryign to clear things out.. all he did was keep scolding me and and tried pushing everything to me my fault, when it was clearly his! I shouldn't even had done the things tat i did when i was wif him! I had wasted all my effort going to his house everytime we have a fight in our relationship. He has been a bloody waste of my time and effort... and he says he tries his best... BULLSHIT. He doesn't even border! i guess he should be fucking her brains out now anyway. *sigh* the guys i choose...
Anyways... as much as i go on ranting and cursing him... what use woudl it be right? *smirks* he will always be the heartless, cheating, lying bastard that he is. And he would never love me, no matter how much i say and show. Cause to him... i'm the ugliest and worst girlfriend he had ever have, he even regerts that he had ever met me.*sobz* Everytime he have a fight, he would tell me how pretty his ex-girlfriends are, how they always wait upon him like god's-gift to the world; compared to how i treat him, he says that i could be considered the worst. *tears* such wonderful words... i wish my heart was made of stone... even this stone will crack upon hearing this...
*sigh* i really dunno what else to say... i guess i really juz metthe wrong person at the right time... I have always treasured this relationship due to the fact that everything started so perfectly romantic and so wonderfully sweet... everything was juz perfect. I truly didn't love him.*sobz*
But hey... atleast things are settled now. i know the real truth. I juz have to learn how to accept the facts and move on. :) Its time to wake up...
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Fucking hell i still can't believe that after, wat? 3weeks? a mth? i'm still crying over that arse... Damn it... "let it go", "get a new guy" *growls* yea i wish!
How can i still be so eaten by jealousy everytime he says he is going out if sumone? Crap! i'm such a sore loser! Crap crap crap! i so wish he was bloody dead! Why couldn't he just treat me better when we were together? Oh yea.. silly me... i forgot... he has been playing with me all this while; and he had a great time making use of me then... how forgetful can i be? *Roars* Lying cheating playboy... he's prolly out there flirting with sum girl now... *Pfft*
Matt always said he was pure evil... guess what! i think i found his 2nd half! Damn it... how could i ever have loved sumone like tat so much!?!? oh wait did i say "loved"? i think i still love him, since i'm so pissed and worked up about everything now... *GEEZ* Why the hell did i ever get into this... this... this relationship frm hell? I think even hell woudl be a better place to be! *argh*
Lying cheating heartless insensitive manupilating playboy!
Meeting the right person at the right time is a blessing,
meeting the wrong person at the right time is a torture,
meeting the right person at the wrong time is a pity,
meeting the wrong person at the wrong time is a big joke!!!
PS: Obviously i met Him at the wrong place at the right time...
How can i still be so eaten by jealousy everytime he says he is going out if sumone? Crap! i'm such a sore loser! Crap crap crap! i so wish he was bloody dead! Why couldn't he just treat me better when we were together? Oh yea.. silly me... i forgot... he has been playing with me all this while; and he had a great time making use of me then... how forgetful can i be? *Roars* Lying cheating playboy... he's prolly out there flirting with sum girl now... *Pfft*
Matt always said he was pure evil... guess what! i think i found his 2nd half! Damn it... how could i ever have loved sumone like tat so much!?!? oh wait did i say "loved"? i think i still love him, since i'm so pissed and worked up about everything now... *GEEZ* Why the hell did i ever get into this... this... this relationship frm hell? I think even hell woudl be a better place to be! *argh*
Lying cheating heartless insensitive manupilating playboy!
Randoms
Meeting the right person at the right time is a blessing,
meeting the wrong person at the right time is a torture,
meeting the right person at the wrong time is a pity,
meeting the wrong person at the wrong time is a big joke!!!
PS: Obviously i met Him at the wrong place at the right time...
*GROWLS*
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Sunburn rox!!! i have natural blushes now! LOL *cute cheeks* i still can't believe i coudl actually wake up juz to go sentosa at 11 in the morning! geez~ i think i'm really desperate for company... we had a grat time dwn at sentosa ( Khan, Shy, Khai, Khan's little sis and erm.. 2 other i dunnoe) LOL khan's sis was a big joke and really notti... she was so scared of the waves~ and of coz there r the annoying breed of Mats there playing wif their wake boards. forgoodness-sake! there r no waves in SG big enuff to let i play that kinda things! Geez... they were scaring the hell out of the kids! hmm.. Other then getting the sand out of my suit, i would sya it was a rather relaxing day :) even made erm... 1/2 a sand crab... LOL had to rush for a BBQ at East Coast Park wif my family. LOL Oh Oh!!! i took a couple of pics too~ HAHA one of the pics good great! LOL *thick skin*
A compilation of pictures taken by my darling phone today
The half sand crab we were making. LOL
Well that was durign the noon time... sadly things kinda curmbled for me during the evening. On my parent's car, on the wat to east coast i had a huge fight wif my dad. over sumthign about singapore sucks, and he wanting me to get out of his sight and singapore, asap since i dun like it. *shrugs* i guess the older generation has sumthing strong for sg... but seriously no matter wat i still hate Sg...
After walking out of my parents in slience. I was crying my heart out, at the 24th of dunnoe which HDB. LOL. And my itchy hands had to message Bryan to ask him if i could come by his house to pick up my DVD. but he told me he was in Orchard... Damn... tat was seriously the wrong answer... -.-||| when he was dating me he would so much as wan to even step out the house for dinner wif me, much less go orchard. And there he was happily in Orchard, prolly flirting wif sum girl or sumthing... who knows. -.-|||
I had nv felt more horrible in my life... my parents told me to disappear from their life... my ex bf practically kill me and everyone is juz plain, like i say, bz wif their own lifes. I need one badly soon.. prolly a puppie might help~ *giggles* But seriously... i felt really alone today... for the first time when i needed someone juz to be near me, there was none... its a horrible feeling to know that there isn't a shoulder for u to cry on anymore. *sigh*
Yea well.. anyway... i sat there crying for 2 hours, smoking my lungs black; when i got hungry. LOL being the pig i am... i went back to the BBQ pit looking for food... i guess my dad, being the softy he is, knew that he really jus went over the limit and was really nice. LOL. i got a whole mountain of food and a nice cold can of beer.
i have been thinking and really wondering... wat is gonna be next?
A compilation of pictures taken by my darling phone today
The half sand crab we were making. LOL
Well that was durign the noon time... sadly things kinda curmbled for me during the evening. On my parent's car, on the wat to east coast i had a huge fight wif my dad. over sumthign about singapore sucks, and he wanting me to get out of his sight and singapore, asap since i dun like it. *shrugs* i guess the older generation has sumthing strong for sg... but seriously no matter wat i still hate Sg...
After walking out of my parents in slience. I was crying my heart out, at the 24th of dunnoe which HDB. LOL. And my itchy hands had to message Bryan to ask him if i could come by his house to pick up my DVD. but he told me he was in Orchard... Damn... tat was seriously the wrong answer... -.-||| when he was dating me he would so much as wan to even step out the house for dinner wif me, much less go orchard. And there he was happily in Orchard, prolly flirting wif sum girl or sumthing... who knows. -.-|||
I had nv felt more horrible in my life... my parents told me to disappear from their life... my ex bf practically kill me and everyone is juz plain, like i say, bz wif their own lifes. I need one badly soon.. prolly a puppie might help~ *giggles* But seriously... i felt really alone today... for the first time when i needed someone juz to be near me, there was none... its a horrible feeling to know that there isn't a shoulder for u to cry on anymore. *sigh*
Yea well.. anyway... i sat there crying for 2 hours, smoking my lungs black; when i got hungry. LOL being the pig i am... i went back to the BBQ pit looking for food... i guess my dad, being the softy he is, knew that he really jus went over the limit and was really nice. LOL. i got a whole mountain of food and a nice cold can of beer.
i have been thinking and really wondering... wat is gonna be next?
Who ever said Friday the 13th was a day of bad luck! HA there was hardly anything bad happening... LOL
Lets see... wat actually happened today... hmm... the usual jokes at school, sponsered by our dear munsang and mehmeh~ LOL During night class, Mohammad messaged me... sweet guy juz, wanted to know i was~ LOL had wonderful duck noodles frm Newton... got a lift home frm my mum, erm... had a drink wif Shy dwn at west coast park... hmm... had a good day today i guess. LOL.
Sigh... life being in a relationship always makes me cry, but having none at all makes me wan more attention...Geez~ and wat's worst, i have no one to whine to anymore! *sobz* LOL! Call me a whiny little Brat, but i juz love to whine... LOL oh oh~ *shh* and i kinda miss sex. :x Thank god onli a hand-full of pple knows about this blog *hopefully* *shrugs* LOL.
Yea.. well.. as much as he is not worth it and erm that this topic is getting alittle, well alot more drier... i missed him lots today, and i have no idea why~ maybe i missed him treating me like Crap. LOL. Jokin~ anyways its already wat? erm.. 2 weeks? 3? dun really know but it seems like a really long time to me...
Hmm.. then again... maybe i'm juz desperate for attention and erm.. *ahem*. LOL.
Quote of the day: "If Loving You Was A Sin, I Wouldn't Mind Going To Hell"
Lets see... wat actually happened today... hmm... the usual jokes at school, sponsered by our dear munsang and mehmeh~ LOL During night class, Mohammad messaged me... sweet guy juz, wanted to know i was~ LOL had wonderful duck noodles frm Newton... got a lift home frm my mum, erm... had a drink wif Shy dwn at west coast park... hmm... had a good day today i guess. LOL.
Sigh... life being in a relationship always makes me cry, but having none at all makes me wan more attention...Geez~ and wat's worst, i have no one to whine to anymore! *sobz* LOL! Call me a whiny little Brat, but i juz love to whine... LOL oh oh~ *shh* and i kinda miss sex. :x Thank god onli a hand-full of pple knows about this blog *hopefully* *shrugs* LOL.
Yea.. well.. as much as he is not worth it and erm that this topic is getting alittle, well alot more drier... i missed him lots today, and i have no idea why~ maybe i missed him treating me like Crap. LOL. Jokin~ anyways its already wat? erm.. 2 weeks? 3? dun really know but it seems like a really long time to me...
Hmm.. then again... maybe i'm juz desperate for attention and erm.. *ahem*. LOL.
Quote of the day: "If Loving You Was A Sin, I Wouldn't Mind Going To Hell"
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Next another day in skool... Didn't manage to drag myself out of bed this morning thou. :x Kinda missed about 3 hours of lab work today.
Hopefully, i wouldn't be getting a warning letter any time soonish. LOL
Woke up this morning with muscle sore and strains... and of course not to mention about the horrible hangover too... can't believ how weak i have become... i onli had 5 erm.. pints? Glasses? *shrugs* which ever, i onli had 5 and i was already ready to knock out... pityful... anyways i guess this week is gonna be a rush for time... I have a heap of projects and reports, all dying to get my attention.. *drags*
Some how... hmm... i feel that my life has to a turn to be a rather, erm.. boring and, well juz plain boring. Matthew has more or less already disappear frm my life... My dear girls are either in aust or bz wif their husbands... Damn... sometimes i wish i was juz married.. -.- *sigh* Then again... if i made a mistake like i did a couple weeks back... i think i rather die a virgin! LOL *dreams* it was fun while it lasted~ LOL! Gotta get that puppie soonish... *sigh* oh well... off to dinner now~ keke
Pictures of The Day
Facts: * Never evolve your life around just one person... You are gonna be so very disappointed*
Hopefully, i wouldn't be getting a warning letter any time soonish. LOL
Woke up this morning with muscle sore and strains... and of course not to mention about the horrible hangover too... can't believ how weak i have become... i onli had 5 erm.. pints? Glasses? *shrugs* which ever, i onli had 5 and i was already ready to knock out... pityful... anyways i guess this week is gonna be a rush for time... I have a heap of projects and reports, all dying to get my attention.. *drags*
Some how... hmm... i feel that my life has to a turn to be a rather, erm.. boring and, well juz plain boring. Matthew has more or less already disappear frm my life... My dear girls are either in aust or bz wif their husbands... Damn... sometimes i wish i was juz married.. -.- *sigh* Then again... if i made a mistake like i did a couple weeks back... i think i rather die a virgin! LOL *dreams* it was fun while it lasted~ LOL! Gotta get that puppie soonish... *sigh* oh well... off to dinner now~ keke
Pictures of The Day
Facts: * Never evolve your life around just one person... You are gonna be so very disappointed*
Haha.. i'm dead drunk and sleepy~ anyways, juz got home frm a good drink and got a message frm Bryan... definatly a big suprise to me... big surprise to me, since had always been treating me like crap. Anyway finally 5 days of rotting is over. Tmr i'm having class at 9 in the morning... wat a drag~
As amazing as pple might think of me( of coz excerise and Rachel dun mix) i did erm.. sum areobices today... it was well.... erm.. interesting and i shag real easy... i feel like a dame wuss~ LOL.
Looking forward to this sat~ having a BBQ at east coast wif my family and relatives~ keke... sum peace and quiet woudl do me good~ and i need to think of a plan to get my Daddie to get me a dog soonish~ prolly on my 21st Bday woudl be good~ *wishes hard* LOL
Quote of the day :"Friends are the most unreliable source of hope"
As amazing as pple might think of me( of coz excerise and Rachel dun mix) i did erm.. sum areobices today... it was well.... erm.. interesting and i shag real easy... i feel like a dame wuss~ LOL.
Looking forward to this sat~ having a BBQ at east coast wif my family and relatives~ keke... sum peace and quiet woudl do me good~ and i need to think of a plan to get my Daddie to get me a dog soonish~ prolly on my 21st Bday woudl be good~ *wishes hard* LOL
Quote of the day :"Friends are the most unreliable source of hope"